Character and Calling

In the previous article, I talked about how keeping my values at the forefront of my mind gives me clarity.

There are Big and Beautiful things that I’d like to make a reality in my life – but often they are less immediate to me than ‘how I feel in the moment’. I tend to focus only on what’s near and easy, familiar and comfortable. My values though can bring into focus those bigger and more beautiful things, and help me make my everyday choices in full and happy awareness of them.

Recently I revised my personal list from 10 down to 7 main values, because I know that the shorter and punchier the list is, the easier I can remember it and use it to discern and make choices.

There is a distinction among values that has occurred to me and that I’d like to share with you. I noticed that some of them are what I’d call values of the common good, while others are values of individual calling.

Here’s what I mean: some values clearly relate to traits of character that are desirable to see in each and every human being. They are things such as: honesty, diligence, keeping one’s promises, respecting our own and other people’s dignity, compassion, gratitude, courage, wisdom etc. 

Is there anybody here who would want to say: ‘Nah, integrity is not important to me’? Would any parent among us not see it as their priority to help their children become hard-working, brave, compassionate people? This sort of values forms our character as humans. They promote not only our own well-being and happiness, but everyone’s. And, as I’ve already mentioned, if we don’t want this world to descend even more rapidly into chaos, it is important to model and teach them to the next generation.

These common good values are actually inherent in the other kind, and form their foundation, but still, the values of individual calling are a different category. If pursued, they also bring much goodness into the world, but with these, going for a specific one over another doesn’t make me of lesser character. Rather, it speaks of my uniqueness as a human. 

The values of individual calling relate to our passionate interests, to what we are enthusiastic about, what makes our eyes light up, what we want our lives to be about. They relate to what we would be ready to invest our time and effort in at any moment, regardless of any payment or recognition we might be recompensed with.

I’m going to give more examples here, as I think it’s important to be able to recognize them easily:

• children, the elderly, other vulnerable groups

• animals, nature

• beauty, creativity, artisanship, play

• discovery, exploration, adventure, entrepreneurship

• just laws, bringing justice and protection to the vulnerable

• teaching, helping others grow, passing on knowledge and skills

• the arts in general, or specifically one or some of them: writing and poetry, painting, photography, music, dance, theatre, film, baking and cooking, etc.

• fitness, physical strength, sports, health and medicine

• efficiency, innovation, invention, technology, design, engineering, architecture

• communication, language, history, journalism

• philosophical, scientific and metaphysical inquiry, attention to detail, helping others see the big picture

Etc. etc. etc. Please do add in the comments any values like these that you cherish and I haven’t mentioned.

Why do I think it is important to be aware of the distinction between the common good values and the individual calling ones?

First of all, because I think it helps us to make sure our little ‘personal values’ lists contain some of both kinds. 

Of course, it is important that we hold all the values related to character in high regard and make sure we are not severely lacking in any of the virtues. However, we do usually cherish some of them especially. 

Maybe the ones we are naturally inclined towards have some relationship to our Tendencies? Maybe an Upholder would naturally favour such things as Fairness or Punctuality, an Obliger – Compassion or Patience, a Questioner – Rationality or Balance, a Rebel – Freedom or Courage? 

Maybe it would help us to make sure we also include at least one character trait or value that doesn’t come naturally to us, but we always notice and admire in others? (For me, that was “perseverance in the face of adversity”. It certainly does not come naturally, but one day I realized that was the kind of thing that moved me to tears whenever I came across it, be it factual or fictional story.)

When it comes to the individual calling values, I think it’s really important that we are aware of what fills us with inspiration, enthusiasm and joy. I think it would be good to have at least two or three things in this category on our list, because we all need more inspiration, and Rebels need as much of it as possible, on a daily basis. (If nothing comes to mind that you feel passionate about, or if all the things you used to be enthusiastic about seem to have completely lost their appeal, long term, with nothing good or healthy taking their place, please seriously consider the possibility that you might suffer from depression and seek the help you need.)

Another big reason for keeping this distinction in mind is the fact that, if the two value categories are not understood, it can often be a source of friction between people, especially between parents and children. It is our duty as parents to train our children to cherish and internalize all the values of common good, but we do well to realize that they are free to go for any of those of individual calling, even though they might be different from our own.

The common good values are what unites us and makes life together possible and good. It is important that all of them are present in the character of each of us, and that we never stop doing our best to improve on the virtues that are not yet fully developed in us.

The individual calling values are what brings richness, fullness, diversity and wonder to our lives. It’s great that we each care for some of them more than others! It’s good to have different passions, and it’s okay for my child’s eyes to light up over other things than mine. It’s okay for me to pursue my own healthy interests, be they one or seven, even if they might be different and unexpected to my family or community.

As somebody who has experienced great personal suffering because my values of individual calling were not accepted and validated by my parents, I will continue to shout about them from my soap box at every opportunity, and I encourage you to do the same. We might be able thus to spare some children needless anguish, and create opportunities for them to be given the freedom to pursue their passions and reach excellence a lot sooner. Hopefully, they won’t have to spend precious time in their adult lives working hard to gain healing and find purpose and direction, but rather be free to invest their energy into making great strides into their chosen areas of interest.

In closing, I would like to encourage you again to work on ‘the little list’, and if you’d like, please share with us one or some of your values in each category! Don’t feel under any pressure to ‘bare your soul’ 😊 but if you can share a little bit of your list I think it would bring everyone a lot of inspiration and encouragement!