Freedom from Hoarding Disorder 3: Wielding the Powers of my Tendency

Note: The articles in this series were originally posted on Better, like others on this website. But unlike the others, which I have slightly edited for this new context, I have decided to leave these just as they were. I’m putting at the top of each the date of original publication. Although they go back a couple of years already, I would still really appreciate your fresh engagement and contributions in the comments!

July 30, 2018

Understanding my Tendency has become one of my greatest allies on the road to recovery! 😊 I’m so, so grateful for Gretchen’s own Lightbulb Moment: how do we instinctively respond to inner or outer expectations? #FourTendenciesLove forever! 💗

As you might know from my other articles, another important topic at the front of my mind these days is a deeper understanding of the Rebel tendency and the ways one can use one’s Rebel Powers to advance towards desired outcomes.

So here is how these two topics (positively employing my Rebel powers and overcoming hoarding) work together in my mind.

To me, the key to making progress as a Rebel is: Desire based on Identity and Values.

Since, as a Rebel, my identity is paramount, instead of making a noun out of the verb ‘hoard’ and use that to describe myself, I have decided from now on rather to say ‘I have hoarding disorder’, or even better: ‘I am recovering from hoarding disorder’.

That keeps it separate from myself and something I can tackle. Hoarding is something I have done for a long period of my life, but it does not define who I am.

My Identity is that of a seeker of meaning, truth, beauty. My Values, among others, are: freedom, love, harmony, serenity, peace, loveliness, trust in God.

As I’ve said elsewhere, recently I’ve become more and more aware that Desire grows with focus. The more attention and deep thinking we put into a desire, the more it grows.

In years past, when I was in the throes of the hoarding, I did have a desire for free space, but the clutter felt so pervasive and overwhelming, and there were so many things that I wanted to keep that the desire for clear surfaces was vague and nebulous. I would have loved more space, but I wanted to keep most of my stuff, and didn't know how to dispose of the stuff I didn’t really want. Talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it! 😅🍰

So it has helped me a lot to think about why I want recovery from hoarding.

Here are some of my whys:

🌟 I want to leave my child a legacy of sanity.

This phrase popped up in my mind a couple of days ago, major lightbulb💡!!!💕 All research indicates that mental health issues tend to run down through the generations. Depression, anxiety, hoarding disorder – one is more likely to suffer from these if a parent or close relative has. My daughter may have to fight her own fight with these conditions at different points in her life, but what a help will it be to have been there and seen with her own eyes her mother rise from them and thrive! 🌞🌱💗

Plus, what a privilege, what a great advantage, to grow up with free, lovely, uncluttered space to play, to think, to work, to be in! 💖 By decluttering, I’m giving her the gift of growing up with room to hear herself think.

Right, on with the whys.

🌟 I want FREEDOM from clutter.

🌟 I want to make cleaning and housekeeping as easy and quick as possible, so that I have enough time and energy to devote to the things I am enthusiastic about: flourishing relationships with my husband, daughter and friends; educating my daughter; developing my artistic and practical skills, etc. Quick cleaning is only possible when there are not many things to move out of the way! 😊

🌟 By eliminating the chronic stress that clutter has been causing in my life, I can become healthier and free to focus on improving my health in other ways as well: food and exercise.

By eliminating chronic stress caused by clutter I become a much nicer person and easier to live with.

Clearing my bedroom of clutter has helped improve my sleep, and therefore my general quality of life.

🌟 I want my life to be a living picture of my trust in God. I believe that He is the provider of everything I need at any given moment, so I want the way I live to express my belief. I know that some people say ‘I am enough’. For me, it’s ‘Jesus is enough’. That helps me let go of my need to keep hold of things, and of the fear that by letting go of an item I might lose something vital and irreplaceable. It doesn’t mean some extreme like ‘I need to let go of everything I have, because Jesus should be enough’, but letting go of everything that stands in the way of me being able to appreciate and be grateful for what I’ve been given, letting go of everything that prevents me from trusting in His love and care for me when I’m too busy trying to give myself security by the amount of things I accumulate and keep.

Of course, besides Desire, the other Rebel superpower is Saying NO! 😄 It would be foolish to ignore it and not enlist this amazingly strong force in the fight against clutter! 💕

Here are some illegitimate, counterproductive expectations, to which I choose to say NO:

💥 I say NO to our society’s expectation of conspicuous consumption, or the idea that what we have, property, products, brands, etc, give us value or define who we are!

I am me, no matter what I own, and my value comes from my human dignity, which I believe is granted by God to every human being.

💥 I say NO to my inner expectation that I should be able to keep large quantities of items under prefect control.

This has kept me a prisoner to my things for far too long.

I understand now that the way I can have control over the things in my house is to reduce their number until they are perfectly manageable TO ME, instead of somehow trying to rise to the bar of keeping on top of a huge number of items. The number of things needs to conform to me and my abilities, not the other way round.

💥 I say NO to all the naysayers (including myself!) who have ever doubted me as a capable house keeper! I’ve realized I have lived years with the expectation that housekeeping is something I’ll always struggle with. NO! I am a talented, intelligent, creative individual, who can find solutions and adapt ideas to suit my situation and master new & challenging skills. I have a lot of work ahead of me with this particular skill, but I am getting there! 😊🌟

💥 Similarly to what I mentioned before, I say NO to the expectation, or the probability indicated by research, that I will be passing on the dysfunction I have inherited. NO! The clutter chain stops with me!! 😀

So, that’s this Rebel in action.

But some of these ideas might work for you as well, even if you’re not a Rebel! 😊💕

I would love to hear from people of all Tendencies how they use the powers of their Tendency in their fight against clutter: if you struggle with clutter, what can you find in your Tendency to help you towards freedom? What expectations are you choosing to meet, or to say no to? What are your identity and values?