Telling my brain it’s time to sleep. Part 2

For transparency, I need to start by saying that using these ideas is still a bit of a work in progress for me – but I have noticed that when the things I’m going to talk about do happen (at present some happen more often than others) – I find it much easier to fall asleep and wake up at similar times every day. Also, if you’re already a super-organized person or if you work outside the home, some of this stuff is gonna be superfluous. Again, like last time, to skip the rambly part at the beginning, scroll down to where you see bold letters, or even to the second to last paragraph for the TL;DR.

Something which used to be very tiring and annoying for me was not only getting too little sleep, but also the uncertainty of when I was going to fall asleep and what time I would wake up in the morning (for the longest time I wasn’t aware that the cause was the dreaded delayed sleep phase: that was something I learned about last year). I really hated starting my mornings too late – meaning, at the same time with my family or, on occasions when I had stayed up far too late, even after they were all up and about! Every day felt like a missed start, and it would take me a lot of mental energy to rally and get back on track. Some days felt like I was not back on track all day: cue more annoyance and irritability. Not a good thing.

As I mentioned, last year I learned how my body clock is different, and after reading what materials I could find, I concluded that the only way forward is to make sure I reset it firmly every morning at about the same time. (In fact, it seems everybody’s circadian rhythm is actually slightly longer than 24 hours, so even people with no delayed sleep phase troubles can benefit from that.) Since sunlight is what resets our body clock, the answer seems to be hitting our eyes with it every morning at the same hour! 😅 

Mmhmm, now let’s try and apply this here in Scotland where cloud cover can be so thick that you cannot tell noon from twilight, and where sunrise and sunset move around wildly across the year!! 🤣 We’re talking daylight lasting over 17 hours in summertime and under 7 in winter. Cannot imagine what people even farther north are going through. Cue trite complaint: if only modern life allowed us to adapt our daily living to place and seasons. 

Well, needs must. Enter the beloved SAD lamp. I love it so much that I’ll rename it glad lamp.

Ideally one would go outside every morning shortly after waking up, to soak in sunlight and reset the internal clock. In reality, more often than not, after I open the curtains and sigh, I turn on the glad lamp as soon as I’m downstairs. The same way as a good day begins the night before with a good night’s sleep, a good night’s sleep begins in the morning with a dose of 10,000 Lux.

I benefit, my string-of-hearts plant benefits. (It sits on top of the bookshelf opposite the lamp, and gets a good blast of the thousands of Lux.)

While we are on the subject of sunlight, vitamin D3 must be mentioned. Everyone in Scotland needs extra. This very morning (it’s Thu, the 10th of Dec when I write) my BetterYou DLux 3000 Vitamin D Daily Oral Spray has arrived. It seems like this lovely British product is the way forward for me – I’m tired of swallowing a million supplement capsules. However, there are a few others that I’m happy to deal with, because I think they are very necessary for the functioning of my particular brain. (Please do your own research for your own brain! 😊) They are: magnesium, omega3, and probiotics. (As mentioned in the previous article, no affiliate links around here: this stuff is what I use and love.)

Another key part in a daily structure that’s conducive to a good night’s sleep is of course the evening. In the last installment I mentioned how lowering the light levels and switching to warmer light colours throughout the house makes a great difference in how ready we are to go to sleep. Since that’s an action, which can be integrated in the daily schedule, I am listing it here too.

My dislike of the word routine is well-known by now, so, no surprises, I don’t have an evening routine: I have an evening list. You’ll say, isn’t it the same thing? Maybe, but as I explain here, it is really important that we choose and use the words that help us rather than those that create needless resistance.

Even before making a start with the evening list, I’ve got another one (he-he 😁) that really helps me feel like work and play are done and I’m ready for rest: my ta-da list! Or, as I also love to call it: the done list. I have a special notebook (a fluffy Hedwig owl one, a present from my daughter 💗) where I write down what I accomplished that day. Nothing fancy, no full sentences, just a list. It feels sooo good. The day is done, look at everything I did, it’s now time to move on to getting some rest. I like doing this while I’m still in the living room, so that all preoccupation with work and obligations stays in the ‘work zone’ of our house.

My evening list includes spending time with my daughter before her own bedtime. The best thing I can do is to change into pyjamas and brush my teeth at the same time as my child. This is the step I am not so consistent with at present, but it works wonders not to have to do it later on, when tiredness really begins to set in. There is such a thing as feeling too tired to get ready for bed, and we don’t want that. 

In the previous post I mentioned applying essential oils when I lie down, as another sensory cue to my brain to be winding down to sleep, and in the next one I’ll talk about how listening to interesting things (!!!) once the light is off and my eyes are closed helps me fall asleep in 20 minutes or less (which for me is nothing short of amazing).

But now in closing I want to jump again to the morning time, and how including certain activities on my morning list is helping me get a good rest at night.

In this year of lockdowns, it wasn’t only home-educating moms like me who didn’t have to go anywhere outside the house in the morning. But even for me, all the occasional morning appointments evaporated. It is such a temptation, especially for people who naturally resist expectations, to loll about in pyjamas way too long. But I noticed how horrible it made me feel if I wasn’t yet wearing daytime clothes by 9 am. Again, it was that feeling of a missed start and lack of structure. 

(Even though as a kid and young adult I did have to go to school, and later on I worked 9 to 5 for a while, structure was severely lacking throughout my young life. My struggles with depression, anxiety and hoarding disorder are linked with that in a great measure, I believe. People who naturally resist expectations might find it difficult to create and maintain a good structure under their own steam, but it is still absolutely essential. I hope that reading about my journey with establishing good structure as a middle-aged woman will be encouraging and helpful to others, young and old, who have struggled with similar issues.)

Having a clear demarcation between ‘work-and-play time’ and ‘rest-and-sleep’ time is foundational for good structure.

So then, the morning list starts with hygiene and the very next point after that is putting on a full daytime outfit complete with shoes (mine are open toe and open back, but they are actual shoes for wearing outside rather than house slippers – again, the need for structure over fuzziness). I used to feel like I was too tired to get dressed straight after brushing my teeth: I just wanted to go downstairs for my coffee!! 😶 But then I noticed how difficult it was to drag myself back upstairs later on after breakfast… So I decided to do all my ‘getting ready’ first thing in the morning and all in one go: teeth, shower, clothes, everything. I’m not giving myself time to deliberate anymore, I’m using the ‘just do it’ method instead. 😊 Then, I’m straight into work-mode for the day, and there’s no confusion. Clothes: daytime. Pyjamas: nighttime. The action of changing from one uniform into the other is a good boundary line that demarcates the two and helps my brain know what’s what.

In summary: Give your brain the support it needs through supplements such as vitamin D3, magnesium, omega3, and probiotics. Help it get a good circadian rhythm and feel ready for sleep at night by offering it strong structure during the day, even if you’re not going out of the house: (1) get into proper daytime clothes and shoes as soon as you’re out of the bathroom in the morning; (2) get bright light (preferably sunlight) into your eyes as soon as possible after you wake up; (3) lower lights throughout the house at least 4 hours before bedtime; (4) write a done list before starting your evening program, to mark the end of the work day; (5) if you have young children, get into pyjamas and brush your teeth at the same time with them; if you don’t have little kids, do it well before the time when you actually want to be asleep; (6) put on your chosen blend of essential oils for another sensory cue that it’s time to sleep.

I really hope this will be useful to somebody, and I’m looking forward to next time, when I think the subject will have a broader appeal: how to short-circuit anxiety and find peace of mind for a good night’s sleep!