The Four Tendencies Framework: what it is and isn’t

People have different instinctive reactions when they are faced with expectations: they either resist them, or have an urge to meet them. 

Occasioned by a conversation with a friend, that was the simple, genius observation of author Gretchen Rubin. She followed it with a genius distinction: expectations can be internal (what we expect of ourselves), or external (what others expect of us).

Some people have a strong urge to meet both inner and outer expectations. These, Rubin called ‘Upholders’. 

Some people feel the impulse to fulfill outer expectations, but towards their own they feel resistance. These are the ‘Obligers’.

Others instinctively seek to meet their own expectations, but resist external ones – the ‘Questioners’.

Others yet, which Rubin named ‘Rebels’, resist all expectations, inner and outer alike.

Thus was born ‘The Four Tendencies’, a personality framework with great explanatory power about human nature.

The reason Gretchen Rubin was thinking about how people respond to expectations is that she was interested in finding ways that help people feel happier through adopting better habits in their everyday life. 

She noticed that, in trying to practice new, healthier behaviours, there was no ‘one size fits all’, despite what most self-help books would have us think. When seeking to establish better habits, people do well to choose strategies that work well with their nature, rather than continuing to try and fit square pegs in round holes, and getting completely frustrated and discouraged in the process.

Because expectations have such a big presence in our lives, our instinctive reactions to them (and the choices we consequently make) matter a lot.

Do you know anyone who is running themselves ragged looking after everyone else, but has trouble accomplishing their personal objectives? They are probably an Obliger, who feels compelled to meet outer expectations, but resists their own.

How about a person who finds it very hard to step out of line, even if they are the one who traced that line in the first place? That’s probably an Upholder, with a strong urge to meet external expectations (rules) and internal ones (rules they have set for themselves).

Then, there are those who find it easy to abide by sensible rules, though not because they are rules – but only because they are sensible. If the external expectations they are facing don’t match their inner ones, they will not hesitate to question the rules. As they will do with conventions, reasons, and everything else – including this framework!! You’re right to think those are probably the Questioners.

For other people yet, any sort of expectations are just spanners in the works. The Rebels squirm when faced with ‘shoulds’ and ‘have to’s’. They feel constrained, and they don’t like it. Gretchen Rubin noticed, with more amazing insight, that what makes Rebels tick is their sense of identity and choice, their values, and the love they have for others. That’s not to say that, for those belonging to the other Tendencies, identity, values and love are not important: of course they are!! The only difference is that these things, and only these, smooth the Rebels’ gears, whereas the other Tendencies can also make use of their instinctive urge to meet some kind of expectations.

Most of us want to lead better, healthier lives, and feel happier – and it makes a great difference to be aware of what helps versus what hinders us in trying to adopt habits conducive to health and happiness.

This, in my opinion, is what makes an understanding of The Four Tendencies genuinely helpful in our daily lives: there’s nothing mystical or overly complex about it, but instead it is completely based on simple observation and common sense.

For a detailed presentation of the The Four Tendencies, please refer to Gretchen Rubin’s book of the same name, published in 2017. For her application of the framework to different strategies for establishing better habits, see her earlier book, Better Than Before.

I think it is worth your time to get acquainted with the Tendencies: personally, they have helped me get clarity on some of my attitudes and the choices I’ve made throughout my life, they have helped me get a better handle on which areas of my character still need a lot of work, they’ve helped me be a lot more understanding and accepting of others, and so on.

However, it’s equally important, I think, to be aware of what this framework neither is, nor is it trying to be.

It is not a complete account of human personality. People are so complex: their history and experiences, their perceptions and inclinations, their beliefs, desires and motivations will always resist straightforward mapping onto any system. Not to mention, we are at the same time amazing creations, made by God in His own image for a glorious purpose, and fallen creatures, completely hopeless and lost without His intervention and grace. That surely makes for as much paradox and complexity as one could wish for.

It is not a complete account of human behaviour, either for good or bad. Our in-built instincts are, in themselves, neutral. What we choose to do is the question. The Four Tendencies framework makes us aware of our urges to either meet or resist expectations, but whether we will choose to do one or the other depends on many other factors. It is very important to keep that in mind. Tendency is instinct. Behaviour is choice.

It is not enough to follow habit-formation strategies, according to what works for each Tendency, if we want to find true contentment and a good life. First of all, what is the definition of good? What is happiness? As a Christian, I believe the true meaning of these words can be found in the Bible, and in understanding God’s design for humanity. Moreover, I believe that without a radical transformation, brought about through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, people can never reach true joy and lasting peace. We do not just need to be made better, we need to be completely rebuilt from the ground up.

It is not enough to focus only on our earthly well-being, and invest all our energies into tweaking and ‘hacking’ our daily lives for maximum feel-good. Human life was created to outlast these bodies and this world. A new heaven and earth are coming, with eternal, glorious bodies for those who have chosen Christ. A perspective which includes eternity is necessary at all times if we are to follow Him well. Good habits and good choices can bring a lot of God’s good into the world, no matter who practices them, but if we are Christians, our eyes must be kept firmly on Him and His plan, His desires and His commandments for us. Ultimately, history is not about us and how much happiness we managed to squeeze out of this life. It is about God the Creator, Redeemer and Judge of this world, and His glory in bringing about eternal salvation and joy for His creation.

All that and more needs to be said, so, if your interest is piqued, I invite you to continue to explore these ideas together in the articles that follow.