Expectations – what’s the big deal?
Why would we even bother to consider what our individual gut-reaction is to expectations? What’s the big deal about?
They might not seem like such a momentous thing, until we stop and think just how large a role expectations play in day-to-day life.
Actually, they are everywhere: enshrined in law (from Thou shalt not kill to Twenty’s plenty), posted on walls and doorways (Please switch off your mobile, or Staff only), presented to us on paper or in electronic form (as contracts, tick boxes, or Pay now buttons), verbalized (The meeting starts at 3), and tacitly assumed (or expressed only by means of a look or, even, a raised eyebrow).
From the time our mom first said to us “Please keep your mouth closed when you chew your food”, until this day, when we’re grown-ups with deadlines to meet and, maybe, with children of our own who need to be taught how to eat in a civilised manner, expectations have been present with us every step of the way.
Those of us who are able to meet expectations successfully and reliably – at work, at home, at church, in their relationships with family, friends, strangers and the state – consolidate their reputation as good people, trustworthy business partners, and upright citizens.
Thus, at first glance, it seems that being equipped with an inner urge to rise to the challenge of fulfilling expectations is something extremely desirable. It seems to be leading to diligence, punctuality, discipline, achievements, stability, efficiency and order. In a word: success.
“Readily meeting expectations” sounds, for all the world, like something we should all aspire to, without exception.
Ha. Not so fast.
As soon as we take a more comprehensive – deeper, wider – look at expectations, their (very) dark side is revealed.
Because built into expectations is, in however slight a measure, the notion of coercion. Or, at least, the possibility of it. Negative consequences usually loom in our mind at the thought of failing to meet them. They bring with them a sense of obligation and pressure.
To put it very bluntly, expectations have the potential to be, and indeed have often been employed as, instruments of oppression – whether political or personal, overt or very subtle.
Expectations have been used since the dawn of society to wield control – and in many cases, not of the beneficent kind.
And I’m not talking only of top-down expectations – rigid authority structures, dictatorships or the like! Peer pressure, and also “vox populi” (vox dei, no? 😐), have been doing their great share of harm in history just as much.
We see then that expectations are, first and foremost, instruments of control.
And they can be only as good or wise or helpful as the person who sets them.
However, given that we ALL are flawed (some of us very flawed), it follows that a great amount of the expectations we set, for ourselves or others, as individuals or as society, will be flawed as well.
An innate tendency to resist expectations looks like it might come in handy after all, at least some of the time.
Depending on the expectations we are facing, the instinct either to repel or to fulfill them might be the more helpful. Therefore we cannot label our natural tendencies to comply or to resist as either desirable or undesirable until we determine what kind of expectations we are looking at. That will be the subject of the next article.
