Which Tendency am I?
If you have been reading thus far, but my short definitions for the Tendencies and all the discussion about expectations have left you still wondering what the Four Tendencies look like in practice and which one you might belong to, there’s plenty of information to be found at the source. Gretchen Rubin’s two books on the subject are great, and her podcast has special episodes dedicated to each of the Tendencies. There’s even a quiz on her website.
No-one better to inform you on the ins and outs of the framework than its Discoverer, so from this point forward I’m going to take it for granted that anyone who is interested in following the discussions on this blog has done their homework and engaged with the source material.
There is a caveat though, to which I have already alluded in the previous posts. Most probably because Rubin herself is an Upholder, all her material – books, quiz, podcast episodes – unwittingly seems to create for many, many readers and listeners the impression that a resistance to expectations is an undesirable personality trait to have.
Since three out of four Tendencies have an in-built resistance to either inner or outer expectations (Obligers and Questioners, respectively), or to both (Rebels), a strong impression seems to take hold that these three are somehow problematic, difficult, less-than, or maybe even somehow ‘broken’ compared to the Upholder Tendency.
Lest you think I am unduly sensitive, I invite you over on the Better app or website, to do your own search and see how many comments you can uncover, usually from Obligers, expressing an ardent wish that somehow they might turn themselves into Upholders.
Rubin herself would (and does) explicitly disavow the idea that somehow one of the Tendencies is preferable to the others, and would be the first to point out that the way forward is not to strive to make ourselves into something we are not, but to harness the unique ways of our personality in order to make progress on our chosen path. None of the Tendencies has got it easier than others, and each of them has specific strengths and vulnerable points.
Keeping all that in mind, I do encourage you to go to the source for finding out more about the Tendencies. From now on, although I’ll do my best to stay away from all stereotypes, I will be sometimes using the terms Gretchen Rubin assigned as names for the Tendencies (Upholders, Obligers, Questioners and Rebels) and I’ll assume you know what I mean.
In your research, pay special attention to the troublesome phenomena that Rubin identifies as characteristic to some of the tendencies: Tightening (specific to Upholders), Analysis Paralysis (Questioners), and Obliger Rebellion (obviously, specific to Obligers).
My own interest is towards other phenomena, which are not discussed at any length in Gretchen Rubin’s books: Resentment and Self-Sabotage.
As a Rebel, I am also especially interested in finding ways to reduce my resistance towards legitimate expectations.
A third, and by far the most important, interest I am exploring through the writings on this website, is identifying biblical life principles that will help clear the way for our everyday obedience to Christ, irrespective of our personal inclinations towards meeting or resisting expectations.
After all, His commandment is for all of us without exception: “Take My yoke upon you”. My desire is to help bring as many of us as possible to a deep realization of this truth: “For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light”.
