Tuning in to a Different Station
A new post, a new metaphor 😊 – coming your way in the hope that by looking at the truth in different ways, things will make sense for you afresh and you will be encouraged and empowered.
There even is a bonus one, that my dear husband shared with me after reading the previous article! He reminded me that, in order to increase our physical strength, working against resistance is paramount. People who lift weights, row, climb, run, dig, jump, cut wood with an axe etc etc, basically whose muscles get to really push against some opposing force on a habitual basis, get stronger and maintain their strength – and it can be the same for our strength of character when we do the things we need to do everyday in spite of our resistance.
We are fortunate: Resistance will always be there to test and exercise our strength! And as any athlete knows, it is so important to go about things wisely, so that the impact between the human body and the opposing forces it is working with doesn’t lead to injury instead. That’s why the work of finding ways to make Resistance more manageable is worthwhile.
Now for the image in the title: what is it all about?
In the article about Freedom and Responsibility, I said that, because where we direct our attention will always be a choice we can make, we are always responsible for how we use it. With a myriad of distractions around us, choosing our focus is by no means easy. A friend who has ADHD reminded me how difficult this can be for some of us. The way she phrased it was “my brain will utterly refuse to focus on things it does not care about”. Her words reveal a very important connection: we tend to pay attention to the things we consider significant. Even though it might be difficult to maintain it uninterruptedly, our mind is very skilled in finding ways to return to the things that matter to us.
A very helpful thing to notice here is that attention and ascribed value work in both directions. We tend to pay attention to what we value – and also, things we habitually pay attention to tend to grow on us and become more valuable to us. Let’s make sure this turns into a virtuous, rather than vicious, circle.
Maybe, at the moment, you find your attention so attuned to expectations that your Resistance is constantly prodded and incited, making progress or collaboration very difficult. The more you’re aware of the expectations, the more Resistance grows and it all becomes a bit much.
There is a way out of this, and here we come to our metaphor of soundwaves and listening: turn the volume down on the expectations as far as it can go, then go get out the other radio, the one fewer people use but has the best and richest sound ever – and tune in to a different station! 💗
I am of course talking about Identity (the other radio), Love (the other radio station) and Values, Vision, and Desire (the music that makes us want to start dancing)! 😃
The more attention we transfer to them, the quieter the rumble of expectations will become in our mind.
People will never cease to communicate their expectations to us, verbally or nonverbally, passively or aggressively, whether they have a right to expect certain things from us or not. Our own mind will keep throwing expectations at us, constantly. Both reminding us of our legitimate duties, and inventing imaginary and unrealistic demands. The Expectations Station is a mess.
Happily there is another source we can go to for the information about our duties and legitimate responsibilities, unencumbered by all that other noise: it is Identity and Love. Our identity, both taken absolutely and in relation to the people around us, reveals what our responsibilities are, both to ourselves and others. When we pay attention to it, and when we act out of love, we do not miss out on knowing what is legitimately expected of us. On the contrary, we can know those things more clearly and we can work on them more easily, because – though expectations might repel us – Identity, Love, Values, Vision and Desire attract us.
When I first published this article on Better, I didn’t feel at liberty to go all out about ‘identity in Christ’ and ‘values based on the character of God’, since the audience over there do not necessarily share into a Christian worldview (although there are many Christians taking part in the discussions, for which I am really, really grateful).
But over here I feel free to be specific: when I’m talking about Love, it’s with the same meaning we find in the Bible, when this word is used in relation to God (see, for lots of examples, the Gospel and the Epistles of John). When I’m talking about Desire – it’s the ‘eternity in our hearts’ type of desire, the one that, if followed faithfully and with perseverance, can only lead us into the arms of Christ. It’s C.S. Lewis’s ‘Joy’. And, using one of his most memorable images, it is the type of desire that will never be happy with mud pies, but will instead be ready to joyfully take the Father’s hand and go for that wonderful holiday at the seaside!
However, I think that the ‘homework’ I suggested in the first version of the article would still be extremely useful. Here is what I proposed – to get a list going for ourselves with answers to the following questions:
Who am I? Where do I come from? Where am I going? Why and how? What are the things that I really, really care about? Even when I don’t feel like doing them? What do I stand for? Who and what do I love? What do I want? What do I really want? Where do I want to be in x amount of time and how do I get there? Where will I get if I just keep going the way I have until now? Do I actually want to get there? And if not, what are the different choices I will make? And so on.
Let’s tune in to our Identity and get clarity on our Values and our Vision. Desire and Love are stronger than expectations and much better at moving the likes of us along.
